*only* Thirteen Reasons I am Proud of All My Kids

1. Vanessa just won an awesome award at school for her amazing attitude, grades and overall academic performance.
2. Ryan brought all of his grades up in one month flat, after a terrible experience with a really bad teacher!
3. Brielle grew leaps and bounds this year and really changed both emotionally and socially. She has a much better attitude and is capable of dealing with bad situations in a much more positive way.
4. Melissa got such rave reviews all year long - won presedential achievement the entire year, honor roll and is just an amazing kid. If you get a chance, look at what she wrote for me recently.
5. Jessica has gotten over a few hurdles of her own. While a total social buttefly, she does not except criticism well. That is changing as she realized that sometimes people are just letting her know that there might be a better way to do it, and that doesn’t mean she’s bad. Her attitude has become much more positive. It’s great!
6. Vanessa has been changing in a lot of ways. Her artist skills are being honed on greatly, and she is really going to go far with her dreams. She is an amazing artist. I just wish she wouldn’t trace as much as she does. LOL She can to it without it.
7. Ryan has had the same dream since he was six years old - to become a marine biologist. He has not changed his mind once in the past six years. A big dream for a great kid!
8. Brielle is about to embark on her lifelong dream (ok, so I think she was three when she first wanted it). She is about to leave for a week to go to horseback riding camp. She plans to work with horses for the rest of her life, so this is a huge accomplishment for her.
9. Melissa is the most amazing writer in the entire world. She can write stories, as well as weaving and creating stories like no ten year old I  have ever met. In fact, I think she’s better than most adults! If you still haven’t looked at what she wrote for me recently. Please check it out now! Oh and look at what she gave me for Mother’s Day!
10. Jessica has the best personality of any child I’ve ever met. Of course much of it has to do with being the youngest child, but she is just so happy all the time, and most of the time can shrug changes or transitions off into nothing. She was the first one who admitted that I was like a mom to them. What a sweetheart!
11. My two kids have amazed me at their ability to transition into a new home, new school and new life. They have worked very hard with changes occuring constantly, this being the first year they all attended school together, and having to share new experiences at school  and at home (and two parents), they’ve just done great! I am very proud of my beautiful children.
12. Mike’s three kids opened their hearts and home to us, no questions asked. Having to share things that were their families before, having to do  new things to accomodate us, and entering a Christian lifestyle, having come from nothing, these three girls are amazing! They have done it with courage, confidence and strength. I am so very proud of them.
13. All five kids are just the best five kids in the world. They continually strive to be better people, with a Christian attitude. All five kids have worked so hard to blend into a loving and giving group of siblings. Trying to encourage each other, be there and just generally care for each other. There are plenty of normal sibling rivalry moments, but I assure you, I couldn’t have asked for a better blending.

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Well, I am glad she asked me to speak, because why should she get all the credit?

I’m a cool dad. I know I am. Shouldn’t I have told Nicole to quit with the water fight in the kitchen, and shouldn’t we have been setting a better example for our children? Probably we should have. But the point is, we didn’t and we had fun and the kids loved it.

I hear how cool I am from time to time. It always makes me feel good when one of my daughter’s says somethign like that. Its usually the middle child, Melissa. I know Nic talks about her a lot. She has an amazing ability to make people feel very good about what they are doing, and when she says I’m cool I think I must be doing something right.

We as a family try to go out of our way to have fun as much as possible. Even when the money is tight and I’m busy worrying about how I’m going to pay off a bill, I still try to take them out and do things with them. In fact, did you know that if you just take your kid to a park and spend time talking to them and playing with them and just being there that those are the times they remember most?

One of our kids talks about the time we spontaneously went to the park at 8:30pm at night. It was almost dark and we knew that it would be pretty dark when we got there. I took them anyway and we had a a lot of fun. It was something different, something we don’t normally do and they loved it.

Being a dad is the coolest thing ever!

“You’re the coolest mom, ever!”

Is there any parent alive, that would not like to hear their child say those words? Don’t we all wish that we could not only be a parental figure, but our child’s best friend too?

Well, by some luck of the draw, I got dubbed the coolest mom ever, by Melissa, Mike’s middle child. Everyone heartedly agreed. And for the first time, I really think they all meant it.

It didn’t become that way over night. It took a lot of talking and listening and parenting and loving at my end, mixed with a whole lot of silliness blended in.

When I went into this arrangement (the whole blended family thing), I went into it knowing that God had blessed me greatly, and that it was my job to be the best parent I could possibly be. I did not take the task lightly. Through a lot of prayerful guidance, a lot of research on step families and blended families, and a few “off the record” sessions with a counselor friend of mine, I know it changed who I was, and who I was about to become. I was no longer a mother of two, I was a mother of five, and believe you me, it changes everything.

But if you take out the parental role, and instead look at my coolness (read: silliness) factor, you’d have thought your parents were nuts, if they behaved the way we do.

Let’s look at the past weeks events:

End of last week: Mike and I, being the crazy, spontaneous people that we are, had a water fight in the kitchen. Yes, water was everywhere. I even went and got the big water gun. We were drenched, and laughing and the kids seriously thought we had lost it. The funniest part was, that the younger two were not even there. It was only the older three. The ones you would think would be rolling their eyes and saying “Oh my gosh, this is embarrassing me”. Instead, they jumped right in, head first, laughing and actually cheering me on! I lost the water fight, and was drenched from head to toe, but it wasn’t about winning, it was about having fun and living a little on the edge. The kids couldn’t believe that we had water all over the kitchen and that we didn’t care. We did clean it up, or rather Mike did, while I went and took a hot shower. Don’t I have the best man ever?

The weekend: We spent the entire weekend out at the lake where we are moving. We played in the sand, we swam in the lake, we went fishing and we went out on our friends boat. And when I say we, with the exception of the boat ride, I was right there with them doing everything.

I played in the sand right along with them, we built retaining walls, dug holes and made crumbling sand castles. I played in the sand, because I wanted our oldest girl, age 12, to remember that even though she is almost a teenager, it’s still okay to have fun. It worked.

My oldest son, age 12, dared me to swim to the buoy and back (probably a quarter to half mile swim. They didn’t believe I would do it, so I did. And I think I might have gained hero status in a ten minute swim. (never mind that I thought I would die halfway back!) While I was in the lake, I helped them find shells, fish and baby turtles. What mom does that? They certainly didn’t know any others. I swam in the lake to remind them all, that I could be a kid too and have fun. It worked.

When we went fishing, I allowed them to fish first. I helped only when asked, to allow them to have the freedom to try things on their own. I almost got hooked by our seven year old, as she wildly swung her pole to cast. I untangled fishing lines, I pulled slime and seaweed off the hooks and I took pictures. And then I joined right in with them. Getting my own pole, I came out on the dock with the two oldest girls and fished. We didn’t catch anything, but I did it to show them again, that I could have fun too, and that even when we aren’t catching anything, we can laugh, find things to giggle about and be silly. It worked.

When they went out in the boat, I stayed on shore so they could go in smaller numbers, giving them a little one on one time with Dad, while I stayed and played or talked with the ones that were with me. I did this, because I wanted them to remember, that special time with parents is important. That it’s not always about being with both parents, but remembering that each child is special to us, and we wanted them to have a time to bond with that parent. It worked.

The entire weekend, was amazing.

The other night: We were watching something on TV while eating dinner, and someone did something really, really silly on a TV show. I mimicked them. I copied verbatim what they did. I know I looked ridiculous, I know I looked stupid, but I did it anyway. We were having fun and laughing, and it was fun. That was when Melissa uttered her words. After a moment or two of laughing, she looked at me with the biggest grin, and said “You’re the coolest mom, Ever!” I didn’t act silly because I wanted attention, I acted silly because I wanted them to remember to have fun always. Guess what? I think it worked.

I got a new title, a new respect and the best five kids a mom could ever ask for!

Have you ever read about birth order?

I did about a year ago in a blended families book I picked up from the library. To date, it might be the most informative, and helpful book I’ve ever read. (the one that made the biggest impact on my life)

It actually helped me to understand the dynamics that were occuring in our newly formed family.

As separate families, Mike has an oldest, a middle and a youngest. They are all girls.

I have an oldest and a youngest. My oldest is a boy, and my youngest is a girl.

Blended, it’s a bit more complicated. Vanessa and Ryan went to Kindergarten together, and are a month apart in age. They are both twelve. When blended, Ryan remained the same - as the oldest. Vanessa, although remaining the oldest girl, actually took a step down in the “birth order” range, with Ryan older than her. They compete often for that top spot. It’s gotten better, but it’s not where it needs to be just yet. Thankfully they have been friends since Kindergarten, so they share many of the same interests and also have different sets of friends, eliminating the need to always be in competition. This helps.

Then we move to Mike’s middle child. She has remained the middle child. Nothing changed for her, and she was the most adjusted. In fact, she’s happier now than she was a year ago. Major changes, but all for the better, and she accepted her role as a continued middle child with grace. She fits the entire picture of the typical middle child too. Good and bad.

Then we move to my daughter, my youngest - Brielle. And Mike’s youngest daughter, his youngest child - Jessica. Jessica remained the youngest when we blended. The baby of her former family, as well as her current. My daughter, truly the baby of our family in every way, shape and form, did not. This has been a struggle for her, since she is still the smallest in the family. She’s very tiny by nature, and Jessica has already grown taller than her, and wears bigger sizes of clothing. Jessica and Brielle however, couldn’t be closer.

Interestingly, the two that have the most problems are Vanessa and Brielle. The two that changed places in their original birth order. Go figure.

Yesterday Nicole blogged about our daughter’s award ceremony. And if Nic thinks she’s a bad mom for the whole thing, I’m even worse. I probably could have taken the time off. I am now thinking I know I should have.

When Ness brought the sheet home from school it just said “Your daughter is winning an award.” Well, that helps a lot. What award? I was doing the math and calculating the possibility that she had not missed any school. I would have been pretty ticked if I had taken off work and she won an award for perfect attendance. While I am sure some parents think that is all great and dandy, I would not have been happy missing a night of work for that.

Except now I know I should have taken off. I know Nicole tried to take pictures, and I know they didn’t come out at all. I should have been there so that wasn’t a problem.

Being a parent comes with so many sacrafices and hard decisions on your part. Sometimes we make the right ones, and sometimes we learn from our mistakes. You can bet the next time something comes home from school that says “Your daughter is winning an award.” not only will I take the night off, but I’ll probably bring her flowers or something else.

Signing off,
Runner Up in the bad dad category

We survived the award ceremony (see previous post). And now I feel like an even bigger crappy parent, since the one award she won was the most “prestigious” academic award you can win in 6th grade. In fact, it’s the most prestigious award you can win in any grade in middle school, with the absolute exception of the three students in 8th grade who won an award for having straight A’s three years in a row. Wow!

The award that V won was called the Lycugus award. Apparently it is awarded to students with outstanding and consistant academics. She had abosolutely no idea she was getting it. In fact, the whole ceremony was trivial to her at first. She told her dad and I about it on Monday. Tonight is Wednesday. Mike works nights, so it was impossible for him to get off for it, with that little notice. So he missed it. Trust me - he’s really upset about it. And I feel even worse because I didn’t want to go earlier. Now I’m glad I went.

I did take pictures. They did not turn out. It is hard as hell to get a decent photograph in a gymnasium. In fact, it’s the second time in two weeks I’ve tried in that same gym. Last time - band concert. Our two oldest play the clarinet. Anyway, I got nothing good of them during the actual concert and we were in the front row - and so were they! I only got good ones before the concert with them holding their instruments. At least I have that. But tonight, when I really needed the photographs (since Mike wasn’t there), I couldn’t get them to turn out no matter what setting on my camera I tried, and it certainly didn’t matter if I used my flash or not, because either way they sucked. Digital is great, except apparently in that gym.

Next time I bringing my awesome film camera. It’s got a 300mm zoom, and Mike has a 400mm zoom that we thing might fit it. So that’s even better.

Well, I’m off to crash and read a book for a bit. (okay - so not in that order)

Love and Stuff.

Okay, I admit it. I am probably a bad mom. Well, really I’m not, but I feel like it at the moment.

My oldest daughter is getting honored at the middle school tonight. I have no idea what award she is receiving but her grades have been almost A’s the whole year and she did really well on the presidential achievment test (according to her). So knowing nothing about what she is actually getting an award for, is making me really wish we didn’t have to go.

And then, it starts at 6:00pm. Yeah, that’s in a half hour. But when she asked her teacher today what time it would be over, I guess she said “No later than 8:00pm”. What?! Are you serious? I have to sit in a freakin’ gymnasium for TWO hours with five kids awaiting an award or two? I swear if she gets called first, we’re gonna sneak out. We’re sitting WAY in the back. LOL

I really have no idea why I feel like this either. Typically I am excited when the kids win awards or get honored for something. But tonight, I just don’t feel like it. She’s a great kid though, and she deserves this, so of course, I’ll take off my bad mom hat, and put on my perfect smile, and happy, “I’m a perfect parent” look, and go sit amongst all the parents I despise who are sitting there with their “I’m a member of the PTA hats” and “My husband is an attorney skirts”, and smile. Proudly. Because even if my husband is not an attorney, and I am not on the PTA (hey - I was when my son was in Kindergarten!), and I don’t live in a house as big as some of them do, and I don’t drive the best SVU available to mankind, I’m just as proud of my honor student as the rest of the suckers who put the sticker on their damn cars. (Ok, seriously folks - if I actually had a sticker, goodness knows, I’d put it on my van - just for the kids - cause I love them).

Ah…time to go round up five kids and make sure they all look presentable. I don’t have time to spell check, so if I made an error - too bad - I’m not the one getting the award. LOL

I have no clue where Ryan was, but he apparently did not
make it for this photo, but I love it. The girls with dad.

Oh! There he is!
Looking oh so thrilled to be interrupted from bug catching
or turtle and frog hunting to pose.

But the best part of the day - was the stash of pictures and cards I received from the kids

And while every single card and picture was the best, (especially the romantic
card from Mike about spending the rest of his life with me) there was
one card that really melted my heart.
Once again, from middle child - Mike’s daughter. 
(It’s the bear one in the middle) - I left the spelling as is!

Outside: “Since it’s Mothers Specal Day,
theres somthing that I have to say”

Inside: “You may already know that this is true,
So I will say “I *heart* you”

And then she wrote: “Nicole,
Thank you! I love you so (and it’s underlined like three times) much.
As far as I’m consernd, you are my mom. Thats a complement by the way.
(the whole sentence is underlined)
Thank you again for coming here. I love you. (underlined). Oh, and one more thing, Thank you!
Your almost daughter, Melissa”

Now how cool is that? I was speechless - of course that is because I thought if I opened my mouth, the tears would immediately begin to flow. I read it to my mom and of course that’s when my voice broke and I allowed myself to actually get a bit more emotional over it. It is so important to me that I do just as good a job loving these three girls, as I do my own two kids. And I guess I’m doing something right. It’s just nice to know.