I don’t normally do these here, but thought I would start doing a couple every once in awhile.

For more go here.

1. When my blog is broken, I’m basically having a heart attack and frantically trying to figure out why!

2. I saw the most amazing man this morning - he was in my bed!!

3. Enchanted is the new movie I’m most looking forward to seeing. (can you tell I’m a mom!)

4. Work: Necessary and I love it. I’m lucky enough to work from home though.

5. Of all the new tv shows, I enjoy Life Is Wild and Gossip Girl the most.

6. If only there was a third day attached to weekends, I might actually get more done.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to hanging out with my family and watching a video, tomorrow my plans include shopping and trying to get ahead on Christmas and Sunday, I want to start wrapping and finish getting all the decorations up!

Yes. Indeed. There was an email. Sent at 6:46pm. Could you please go back and look at last nights post and see what time I called her at (yeah - 6:45!)
I’m so dang ticked.
I think she sincerely forgot. Realized as I called - oops. I won’t deny that she might have composed the email before last night, but it wasn’t SENT until last night at the same time I called her. Ironic? Coincidence? Sickening!

And lets pretend she DID send an email on time. We were in the Ozarks all week. Exactly when did she think we were going to get the email? Monday morning? Still the day of!

Now I understand completely why the “rules” are the way they are.

Irritatingly Simple. That’s all my life seems sometimes.

We had another ordeal with “the mom” again. First, might I ask what the laws are in your state regarding communication with your ex spouse? Is email a suitable method for communicating when or if you want the children?
I got divorced in Texas and was told by both my lawyer and the courts that email was not a reliable nor suitable communication method for contact between both parties regarding custody issues. They gave the reason as being not …hmmm… reliable. How do you know that person is going to check their email that morning. How do you know that a server won’t be down somewhere making it take longer to get the email out to the person, etc. I am in Missouri now and I don’t know if Missouri has the exact same law, but I do know that a friend of mine with two kids just got divorced and was also told by her lawyer that emails don’t hold up in court as a suitable method of communication regarding custody.

So that said. Brings me to last night. Or rather last week. B.mom allows us to leave for our vacation a day earlier, giving up her night with them. Now, before I go on and everyone thinks its a selfless act, it wasn’t. I assure you. She has to drive well over an hour on Tuesday nights to see them. There are frequently times she changes the night or doesn’t come at all. She chose to move that far away several months back. So last Tuesday she communicated with Mike that she would instead like to have them on Monday and would that work? He says yes without checking with me first (he’s not home on Monday - he’s at work!) so I was irritated with him because we did have plans, but they were certainly easily rescheduled. It was more the principle. SO I called b.mom on Tuesday and told her thank you for letting us leave early (I did it to be nice, not because she did us a favor, etc.) and told her that Monday was just fine, and that I would switch our plans to Tuesday, which was easy. “We’ll see you on Monday, I’m sure the kids will be really excited to tell you about our trip.” Final words before I hung up.

So I look at the clock tonight - 6:04pm. Hmm…she seems to be running a few minutes late. She’s usually here at 6:00pm. I tell the kids to get their coats on, get their books together (they go to the library), etc. They are sitting waiting there, again I look at the clock. Now it’s 6:22pm. Hmm… I want to call her, I really do. Especially because B and I are starving and really want to go eat. The three girls waiting for mom are starving, but sometimes when traffic is bad, she doesn’t arrive until 6:20 or so. I give her a little more time and finally at 6:44pm I call Mike. He answers (unbelievably) and is shocked that she isn’t there. Says he knows he told her it was fine, blah blah blah. So now I’m torn and confused. Did the conversation really happen? And lets pretend for a moment that it did not. That Mike dreamed it. I did NOT dream calling her and leaving a message on Tuesday. Where I clearly stated several times that Monday was perfectly fine. Didn’t she think that was weird?

So I call her. She answers. (SHE NEVER ANSWERS - EVER!!) and I thought that meant she might be on her way. Nope. She was very obviously sitting in front of a television set. *sigh* In my opinion she forgot. Instead, she lied. She said that she didn’t remember having that conversation with Mike and insisted that she had said Thursday. So I did the only thing I could do. “Didn’t you think when I said Monday a half dozen times to you on the message that you should call and let us know I had the wrong date?”
Her answer.
“I sent an email.”

An email, that quite interestingly Mike says he never got. (She doesn’t email me!)
So in the morning, when Mike returns home, I plan to have him look and see. I want to see exactly what it says. I’m so damn annoyed.

Try feeding children who are starving when you have to fast cook something because you were not prepared (B and I were going to go eat dinner out). They didn’t eat until 7:30 and then we headed out to the library at 8:00pm. Not my favorite time to leave the house, ya know? Except the library was nice, because it was quiet. I like quiet. Especially when I’m stressed. And now I’m so angry I can’t sleep. UGH!!!

This completely cracked me up. I found it while surfing blogs today.
Here is my paycheck for the past year. I sure as heck wish I had that check for real!!

Click to view big!

I don’t mind being

a housekeeper
a teacher
a cook
a household manager
a janitor
a taxi driver
a nurse
a psychologist
and about a dozen other titles….

but could I at least get paid better for it? The hugs and sugar and love I get is almost compensation enough, but boy a big fat paycheck would be really uber amazing! Find out what you’re worth here.

I don’t normally dish REALLY personal stuff here, but this time I might need a little help from my friends.

Yesterday, I mentioned that there was an issue that would require another post relating to dad.

Here’s the scoop on that:

While sitting at the breakfast counter on Thanksgiving morning, V was watching me prepare the dishes that needed to cook. She spent a great deal of time with me during this vacation and said plenty of beautiful things that solidified my place in her life and that I truly am important to her. However, she did say one thing that concerned me greatly and it is one of those things that normally I could go talk to dad about, but…. I can’t. It’s about him.

Quite casually, and almost out of nowhere, V says

“I kinda wish dad wasn’t coming ‘ya know?”

But then quickly followed it up with.

“But in a way I mean I’m kinda glad he is.”

I kept myself busy with preparing a green bean casserole dish because I honestly did not know what to say and I needed a few moments to think. The only thing I said was “It’s going to be super nice to have him get here. He’s missing out on all the fun.”

Unfortunately, ever since that conversation took place, I am just positive I could have taken that in another direction and actually talked to her about why she didn’t want him there. I’m sure in my own way I can figure out some of it. Dad works nights. Dad is tired a lot. Dad gets grumpy sometimes at normal things that normal people would never get grumpy at. HOWEVER, dad is also one of the most kid-like dads I have ever encountered. He is so much fun to be with, makes the kids laugh regularly, loves them like crazy and they never have to question that - ever. These kids adore their dad, so the comment sincerely surprised me, especially coming from her.

After spending the past four days since the words were uttered, thinking about it almost constantly, (obsess much Nicole?) I thought of something else. Sometimes dad and I play fight (yes everyone knows its playful fighting, I’m not going THERE with this). We hardly ever fight for real, so we make these totally silly arguments up and will throw pillows, water, food and other items or tickle each other. (okay I know we are like giant kids, but its funny and the kids totally crack up and join in on the fun). What I have noticed lately, is they ALL (yes that would be all five children) come to my defense every single time. They all protect me. Since it’s playful, I never thought about it much.

Except, if dad is acting grumpy to me for real, the kids notice and they tend to “mother” me in a way making it very clear who they “side” with, which I totally expect from my two.  When this occurs, they spend more time with me, they want to leave the house with me, but not dad. (this is not abusive or anything like that - its usually just grumpy mood stuff. Nothing bad at all!)

What the heck am I supposed to do? Am I doing something wrong? I need to help them want to be with their dad, and I encourage it all the time, but I feel as if I am doing something wrong.

And exactly how do I go about talking to him about it? The problem is, he already feels like they never come talk to him about anything. (they do, but he means the really important stuff.) But what I try to make him see is that they are all girls, so they tend to come to a girl (yeah - that’s me). So I don’t know what to do anymore. While I feel like I am succeeding big time as a step-parent, making leaps and bounds and plenty of love and respect, I feel like somewhere I have gone wrong.

What would you do?

I think for any step-mom or step-mom to be, one of the biggest challenges is earning the other parents child’s trust and love. And it isn’t something that is simple either. It is something that over time, might develop naturally, but most of the time it requires hard work and dedication by the step-parent.

In my situation, I had to earn the love and trust of three girls. When I met their father he had a 6 year old, a 9 year old and a 11 year old. Personally, at that time I had a 7 year old and an 11 year old. Girl and Boy, respectfully.

The problem was, my little family of three had been divorced from their dad for several years. In fact, my daughter has no recollection of living with her father at any time. She was two when I left. My son was five.

But these girls were still licking fresh wounds. Cut deep by a mother’s abandonment. And while I get along well with her, I will never ever be able to comprehend how she could have done that to these beautiful children.

It was easy to earn the middle child’s love. All she wanted was attention, and I was full of that. It was easy to love her. She is an excellent student, a sweet girl and honestly any parents dream child. I kid you not, the child does not lie. She’s a godsend.

The next easiest was the youngest. She is energetic, carefree and full of so much comical ability, she almost explodes. She is a sweet kid too, and was the first to admit she liked me. In fact, she is the one that often times tells me she can’t wait until daddy and I get married so I can be a real mom. That’s sweet, and I proudly take the role, but they still do have a mother.

The oldest child provided a challenge. Angry and resentful at her mother for leaving, yet yearning for her love and acceptance broke her. She was a mess when I moved in, and she took a lot of coaxing, working with, talking and just letting her cry when she needed to and letting her know I understood, while still setting boundaries and rules. I worried the most about V. I couldn’t help it. I had known her since she was in Kindergarten and the child that belonged to the man I loved was not the same little girl I had known all those years, for very obvious reasons. However, after almost two years together, I got my solid proof this past week on a vacation, that she truly loves me and respects me.

Normally she takes her mom over anyone and we just live with that fact. I’m happy that she loves her mom and was able to forgive her for leaving (the middle child has not hit the forgiveness road just yet, but she thinks more clearly than the oldest does and sees exactly what her mother did). This past week V chose me and leaving for our vacation early. At first I just thought it was because we were going on a trip. I mean, who wouldn’t want to leave early and do that right?

Except on the way down there (we just got back home tonight), I talked to them. I told them it felt weird to leave home without dad (he was coming down on Thanksgiving because he had to work). But that I thought it was way cool that they trusted me this much to leave on a vacation with just me for several days. She confirmed what I had hoped for (as did everyone else, but coming from her it spoke volumes since she normally is pretty reserved with how much of her feelings she will admit). She confirmed that spending time with me was fun and that she knew I would keep them safe while we had tons of fun. That she liked spending time with me. That they knew I was serious when I set down rules (of which they had none of before I came along) but that I did it to keep them safe and protected. Pretty cool to hear from a 13 year old. She also admitted that she had been looking forward to just the six of us (without dad - but I think that’s another post). She has on occasion in the past few months mumbled “I love you” when I come say goodnight to everyone. But the security that was evident in her eyes this past week, and the fact that she wanted to be with me constantly and found every thing I did or showed them completely fascinating and never boring or “parentish” is just further solidification in my mind that I have succeeded as a step parent.

Doesn’t it feel good when it finally dawns?

I cannot believe I have seen you through two birthdays already. It seems like only yesterday I arrived and became a part of your life. You accepted me from the very start. You never hesitate to tell me what a great mom I am to you, and that I am the best.

Such a lonely little girl back at the beginning, with all these amazing qualities locked behind your heart. I knew I wanted to love you from the start, and I had no idea I would love you more today than I would then. The girl you have become today is so much different than the girl you were then, and the changes become you greatly. You are a beautiful person both inside and out, and that is so very difficult to find in people these days.

You are 11 today, and I am so proud, so incredibly blessed to be celebrating it with you today. Always remember I love you!
Happy 11th Birthday Melissa!

It is only five days until we leave for Lake of the Ozarks. The kids are excited, I am excited and I am having a panic attack thinking of all I have to get done before we go.

Since our entire Thanksgiving feast will be prepared and cooked in a tiny condo kitchen I am having to pack mucho items from home. Ugh!

We are arriving two days early obviously to get settled and on Wednesday I think we will hop over to the Super Wally world to pick up a few last minute items, because once Turkey day hits, I’m screwed. LOL

Anyway, I will be scarce as I continue to pack my kids and family up. Oh, and we’re bringing the dog. LOL Max enjoyed it last time, only this time its a lot longer. Wish us luck!