I haven’t touched on a lot of custody or divorce issues, simply because the focus of this blog is supposed to be on blended families, step families and the uniting of two established families. Period.
However, the thing is - custody is a big part of a blended family, step family or otherwise when it involves children on one or both sides. I have been divorced for seven years, separated for eight (in fact I left him in March 2000). I have been through the custody thing, I have been through the arguments, and I have been through the visitations and vacations, that when they return - it is almost like getting a different child back.
For years I thought that I must be the only mom who went through that. I never heard anyone else talk about it. However, now I have three step daughters who see their mother once a week. It is a whole new custody/visitation scenario. One day a week she comes up and has dinner with them and takes them to the library. She arrives somewhere after 6pm most of the time, and you never know when they will return home. Sometimes it will be the earlier part of 7 o’clock hour. Other times it will be 8:45pm. And way back, it used to sometimes be close to 9:30pm which was difficult for us because the girls go to bed at 9:30pm and it was a situation I don’t want to return to. Thankfully mom worked with us, and we are doing much better. However, the inconsistencies of bringing them home at different times, still needs some serious fine tuning. They also see her every other weekend. She arrives sometime after 6pm, sometimes closer to 7pm and returns them home whenever she feels like it the evening of Sunday night. Joyous!
But I’m not here to discuss bedtimes, and times they come home and whatever else. (that’s a whole other post, and perhaps sometime I will touch on that.) This post, while titled when they return, is more about the transition of returning than the time of returning.
If you are the person the child lives with most of the time, the one that they consider “home”, have you ever watched them after they have returned home? Have you ever noticed peculiar behavior? Perhaps they seem withdrawn, or snippy? It is different for all children, but if you ever thought “Hey, where’s MY child?” when you looked at them after returning home, there are a few things you can do to help the situation.
Read the next section of this article.
For the other sections of this article see:
Custody: When They Return - Reviewing The Situation
Custody: When They Return - Taking a Deeper Look
Custody: When They Return - Transitions That Work
February 18th, 2008 at 9:41 am
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