I laugh now, because I am always one to say how incredible our blended family dynamics are. You rarely can tell that these kids haven’t always been together. While of course there are fights, as any siblings have, overall they just have a connection and its good.
Except today, I saw what could really happen and I am terribly disappointed in ‘dad’ for not stepping in even further than he did.
Background: We went to the lake today. It’s only the second time we’ve been this summer, even though we were there practically all summer long last year. The two youngest are really not ’strong’ swimmers, but they can swim. So they love to go out to the dock which stands in about 14′ of water (maybe more). I allow them to go out there so they can jump off, but they HAVE to take some type of flotation device. From noodles to rafts, it’s all made its way to the center of the lake’s swimming area.
Today the two youngest girls (9 and 10) and the middle girl (11) went out to the dock and had been jumping off, swimming back to shallower water, swimming back and jumping off for about a half hour or so - the same stuff they did all summer long last year. They were obviously having great fun. Well, apparently one of the times that my daughter (the older of the two younger ones, but the SMALLER of the two younger ones - she might be 10 but she looks about 6 in size) jumped off, the raft was out a bit further than she had anticipated. Thankfully the middle child was right there to help her and made an attempt to get her. All was fine because they were together, and from the looks of things - there was no intervention needed.
A huge gust of wind came and carried the raft not only quite a bit away from them, but completely on the outside of the swimming area. The youngest one still had her raft, so they all tried to pile on it, while she started telling them to get off. Please remember that they are all in 14′ + of water. (oh and yes there is a lifeguard on duty) She finally pushes my daughter OFF of her raft (yes she had seen the other raft take off and was actually going after it). So my daughter is essentially doggy paddling as fast as she can back to shore (which is not very fast). The middle child decides to try to catch up to the drifting raft, and forgets that my daughter has probably about 25 yards of water to swim through. (yes I was watching all of this, waiting to see if I needed to rescue her). Twice my daughter asked the youngest one if she could get on the raft, and twice she was told no.
The oldest daughter (13 almost 14) was sitting with us up on the beach and her dad tells her “go help Brie, please”. She looks out at the water, and just stays planted right there. Doesn’t move. Doesn’t do a thing. Just sits and stares. He doesn’t say a damn word.
Brie did make it back to shore, completely out of breath and totally in tears without an ounce of help from any of the three girls. A really nice man dove out into the “non-swimming” area and retrieved the run-away raft and brought it back to her and all was well again. I was so mad, so angry I was actually shaking. If that had been one of his kids (he can’t even friggen’ swim!) he would have been absolutely beyond anger if my kids had done what his kids did. The only one who had an ounce of decency to her was the middle daughter. She really did try to help, except she got caught up worrying about the raft and forgot about the child trying to swim back to shore.
I retrieved my son (13, 14 next month) from the other end of the beach and asked him if he would please come swim with her after briefly explaining what had happened. Thankfully, he can be a real brat to his sister, but when push comes to shove, he has a compassion for her that I’m happy to see between siblings. He went and spent over an hour playing with her, letting her jump off his shoulders, sit on his shoulders, and whatever else.
The problem of course, is that it is NOW the next day, and I am still quite angry about the whole thing. Honestly, the middle child feels like crap, because she knew I was mad and she’s that perfect angel that doesn’t want anyone disappointed or mad at her. More than likely she had already realized the error of her ways. BUT - the oldest made no movement to go help - and was never talked to. And the youngest? Oh, what I could say about her. If she had been one of mine - her butt would have been out of the lake and sitting in time out while she watched all the others play. But nope. Not one word was said to her by anyone but me (when I went and met my daughter at the lake edge as she came out) and all I said was “you don’t need to follow her. You want to push a child off a raft or not allow someone to share it? There is no need for you to help now.” (it was in relation to the fact that she was getting out of the water to go stand and wait with my daughter as the guy brought her prized run-away raft back.
The moral to the story? It would have been better for all parties involved to have talked this over. If it had been, even I would have felt better now. I really do get tired of parenting alone.
August 12th, 2008 at 6:44 am
I have been in that same boat more then once. It is like OK these are all your kids now. Treat them like it.
Most of the time he does but every once in a while it happens like you explained above and then you get an angry upset feeling in your stomach you just want to get sick.